Who Am I When I’m Not Performing For You?

Who am I without others? Without perceived judgment? Without trying? Who am I? I am wise and I am dumb. I am young and I am old. I am here and I am there. I am serious and I am goofy. I am loving, but am I loved? Without my performance of who you think I am, am I loved? When I am alone and unoccupied, who am I? I am me. I am funny and fun and quiet and boring and nice and mean and awkward and sincere and resilient and weak and creative and lazy and ambitious and passionate and indifferent, and calm and energetic and open-minded and flexible and picky and soft and stern and capable and easily frightened and adaptable and empathetic and passive and assertive and patient and impatient. Without your gaze, without your perception of me, I am all the things I refused to show you. But I am also all the things you know me to be. I am more than one set of traits. I am complex and unique and just like you. I am happy and sad, this and that. I express the multiplicity within each and every one of us. I span across a multitude of areas and am abundant in all of them. As I perform for you, you do not see who I am behind the curtains; you see only what I am when the curtains open. Behind the curtains, I am the other half of me—the part you did not pay money to see. Not even sure you would want to see it if you knew who I am without the script. It might remind you too much of yourself. When I am not performing for you, I am you. I am you in a different font. That is why I perform—so that you find yourself more palatable.