It’s Me, Isn’t It?

It’s me, isn’t it? I’m the one in control of my life? It’s me who governs this human body? I make choices that impact not only myself, but those around me? I can do all that I please, being mindful of consequences? I have self-agency? It’s me, isn’t it? I am the one who walks this earth in sweatshirts and baggy jeans? I put my hair into buns and put mascara on my eyelashes? It is no one else but me? I decide to hit the snooze on my alarms, I put this cheetah-print phone case on my phone, I pray at night? It’s up to me, isn’t it? To change my life. To go after the life I feel I deserve. Are you saying it’s up to me? Nobody else? I can’t give my mom control over what I eat in the morning or what career path I should follow? I can’t roll around in bed all day, then get mad at a random person on the street for being up and at ’em at 6 o’clock in the morning? It’s me? I make all the decisions? Whatever I decide to do impacts my life? Well, that hardly seems fair! Why should I be responsible for the things I do or don’t do? Why should I face the consequences when I yell at my boss? Why do I get cavities when I eat a lot of candy and forget to brush my teeth? Why am I tired in class when I stay up until 4 o’clock in the morning the night before? Why don’t I have many friends after being shy and reserved my whole life? Why do I feel depressed even though I never go outside? Why me? Isn’t it God’s plan that plays out, not mine? Isn’t it my upbringing that has made me into the person I am today? Isn’t it my teachers who failed to teach me algebra? Isn’t it my job that doesn’t pay me enough? Isn’t it my body that is fat and lazy? It certainly isn’t me, is it? I can’t be responsible for my life’s worries. Right? I’m not the one in control of my life. Am I? No! Tell me I’m not so then you’ll be responsible for my lack of autonomy.