The Imperceptible Change

To watch someone grow is a beautiful thing—even more beautiful when you look at that same person in the mirror and see no change day by day. Each day, I strive to do what I know I should do in order to become the woman I know I want to be. Some days, I succeed. Other days, I don’t. But every day, I think about how I am not at my destination yet, no matter what I do.

The changes I witness in others, whether in their physical appearance, mental awareness, or even in their personal struggles and setbacks, are changes nonetheless. But the changes within me? They feel almost imperceptible to my own eyes—well, unless it’s a new pimple I obsess over.

You see, I want to believe that I’m changing, growing into the person I envision myself becoming. And yet, I often dwell on the things I wish I had done but did not do—the things I truly believe will allow me to see change. Like praying daily. Writing more. Smiling frequently. Ideating and trying new things. Going out of my way to do it all. These things and more will no doubt convince me that I am in the process of transformation and that I will become who I don’t see in the mirror much faster.

And the things I do do: telling white lies, praying sometimes, writing when I feel like it, fixing my face only when I notice it’s scrunched, eating the same meals, and working the same dead-end job. It feels like I’m making no change at all. That is, until I see an old friend, and it seems they just can’t wait to say, “My, have you changed!”